Do you have a favorite Bible story or character? I do, it's one of the stories of Leah (Genesis 29), and it's the reason for the name of this blog: Leah Beloved. Why do I call her that? Because she learns that she is beloved by God.

Leah had a hard time in life. Her husband, Jacob, met her beautiful little sister, Rachel, and fell head over heels in love with her. Jacob wanted to marry Rachel - and Laban, Leah and Rachel's father agreed... only to substitute Leah for Rachel on the wedding night. Imagine the next morning when Jacob woke up to find Leah- the one with the weak eyes- and not the lovely Rachel he was expecting. Oh, the hurt and the humiliation for Leah.

 

Her father tells Jacob, "Finish out the week with this one." Ouch. And then Jacob gets to marry Rachel. So Leah has a week as a new bride before Jacob marries Rachel, who he loved more than Leah. Hurts and wounds pile on for Leah.

 

Leah continues to try and win Jacob's affection. She was second best, not chosen, not preferred by Jacob. But God saw her, and he comforted her by giving her children. She keeps naming her sons in ways that show her heart. Her first born, she names Reuben, and says the Lord has seen her affliction and that NOW her husband will love her. She conceives again and names the baby Simeon. Her comment this time is, "Because the Lord saw I am hated, He has given me this son, also." Again, she is focused on how Jacob feels towards her, his rejection, and the pain is raw. She has a third son, Levi, and says, "Now my husband will be attached to me because I have borne him three sons!" It's clear that she continues to get her hopes up, wanting love, and then is disappointed, time and time again!But something happened she had her fourth son, Judah. Scripture doesn't give us more detail, but it looks like something happened to her heart. Maybe God whispered to her, "I am enough." At any rate, when Judah is born, she doesn't focus on Jacob anymore, but instead says, "This time I will praise the Lord.. therefore, I will call his name Judah." And Judah means, "praise the Lord or give thanks to the Lord."

I love how the Lord really saw Leah. It didn't matter that she was unloved by Jacob or what anyone thought of her. The Lord saw her, loved her, and worked in her heart and life. Leah appears to respond by focusing on the Lord and how He has blessed her. No more the  chasing after Jacob's love and being disappointed. Instead of focusing on what she lacked (love), she focused on what she had (sons and blessings from God.)

 

And you know what else is so encouraging? Leah is the one who is in the lineage of Christ! Through her son, Judah, who was a forefather of Christ. (Matt.1:2-3). I love how the Lord is so perfect in his plans and the stories he has for each of us! What an honor for poor, rejected, "unloved" Leah! That's not who she was in Him. :)

Thank you, Lord, for seeing us and loving us. Help us see ourselves through Your eyes, and to trust Your sight, Your plans and Your love. Amen!

 

Third times a charm

I love New Year's.. new starts.. hopes.. dreams.. reminders that time is going by and it's important to LIVE life!! So, am trying this again. No terribly ambitious goal, but just to write more often. Not hard to beat my past year's records! LOL...

Decided I want a fun goal for this next year-- one new thing each month, copying my friend Tammie, who did this a few years ago. Already started off the year with one new thing.. went to Denver for New Year's Eve. Girls in tutu's running around on their way to raves, feeling glad that I'm no longer 20 years old. Ever want to feel mature? Walk around a city on New Year's Eve.. we had the desire to tell most of the girls to put on some clothes. And while they were at it, some sensible shoes. Oh well.. you're only young once. Ok with where I am.. cute sweater, but sensible shoes for all the walking. Enjoyed watching fireworks on 16th Street Mall. But checked off the big city experience for New Year's Eve. Enjoyed it.... but don't feel like I need to repeat it. NYE on Time Square.. not on my list!!

Still working on a goal to get to all the States. Made some progress in 2011-- South Carolina, Maryland, Pennsylvania and New York (City!!!) added to the list. Oh.. and Montana for a great Labor Day Getaway with my Life Reclamation girls!

Funny thing about goals. Alaska was already on the list for the year.. but tentative plans to go on an Alaskan cruise the summer of 2012. Last month.. normal day at work.. fun day in Greeley.. my boss volunteered me to do some consulting with a psychiatric hospital... in ALASKA!!! Even better, this trip, as my way will be paid by the company we are consulting for. :)

Love unexpected surprises like that. Hoping to see my friend, Andrea, with a stop in Washington on the way home. Miss all of my friends who have gotten married and moved away.. but the up side is that I get to visit them all over the country.

So.. here we go 2012. Hope you hold some good things!! :)

Life reclamation!

About a year ago, some friends and I decided we would create an informal type of support group with the goal of life reclamation. Initially, that term meant to me that I would have a life outside of work. Obviously, it has been over 2 years since my last blog post. Aack! I had been identifying with the bumper sticker I saw: "I used to have a life until my job ate it!! "

Happy to report that I have spent the summer traveling all over--- God blessed me with a trip to Europe for a month this summer, and I just got back home from another 10 day trip to North Dakota and Minnesota.

Focusing on a new type of life reclamation-- trying to figure out why I always seem to put myself last, so that my house is in a crazy state because I'm never home, I usually have clothes in the dryer waiting for me to put them away, and somehow, exercise doesn't find it's way into my life on a regular basis enough.

So, I'm starting a new type of life reclamation--- creating sanity in my own life and home and taking care of myself. Yikes. Why do I feel so selfish, even as I type these words? I know that logically, I'm no good for others if I'm not around and don't take care of myself. What is this struggle about? Planning to explore that in posts, life, prayers.

Baby steps. So, got out for vacation in a major way this summer. Guess what I learned? The world didn't fall apart! Work was still there, co-workers missed me, but there were no catastrophes. Lesson there: I can leave at 5pm every day. Basic, I know, but needed to learn that. I'm more productive and less stressed, too!

Baby step number 2: Working on taking my vitamins every day.
Baby step number 3: Went back to WW today after vacation, even though I knew the scale would show an increase. But, the increase was small, and I have decided I will NOT quit going no matter what. A member today celebrated a 50 lb weight loss, and had me in tears. That WILL be me and I don't care how long it takes. I refuse to give up!

On to life reclamation baby step number 4-- sleeping before midnight every night. Yep, I'm a night owl and often reap the consequences of too little sleep. Life is just so interesting.. but... it will all be there tomorrow.. :)

Unexpected paths..

So, I haven't updated this blog in a looooong time. I had all the best intentions. But I have a good excuse. About 12 days after this blog, my supervisor resigned, I applied for his job.... and got it!! And, 8 days after that, our Clinical Director, had a heart attack and passed away very suddenly. So.... I've been living at work. Which must change!

I've decided that turning 40.. and surviving it this week was such a good thing. It reminded me that sometimes my worst fear takes place... and God sees me through it beautifully. Like the time my mom had to come and live with me for three months and it all worked out just fine. Don't get the wrong idea- I love my mom dearly.. but.. she tends to nag.. at times. Anyway, we learned a lot about each other as we struggled through that time, and were able to enjoy each other and grow closer. I relate to her in new ways now.

Yesterday was my 40th birthday. And I have to say, despite my fear of turning 40 and still being single.. It's all OK. God blessed me with an absolutely incredible group of friends. My friend/family, really, since my fam all lives in AZ. And they threw the most awesome, like totally rad party for me. 80's costumes, karoake, etc.

I've decided that a 40th birthday is an opportunity for a new start. I've been encouraged by looking in Scripture for the number 40 and realizing how 40 years are often the description of a generation, and how often there is a major turning point after 40 years. (The Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years, etc.) So.. I've decided that the first "generation" of my life being over is a fabulous opportunity for a new start! And for some new goals. NF's love goals.. the whole process of "becoming." So, over the next month, I'm going to take some time and evaluate to figure out goals for me. There are so many things I've never done, and that I want to do. After spending the whole summer at work, and losing Dad in November, then losing Dr. Dixon so suddenly, I have ever present reminders that the days are short. If I'm not intentional, they will pass me by. Makes me think of -- Psalm 90:12- " So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom." Work is so easy to get consumed with, but the eternal value, power for true satisfaction is not found there- but in God and relationship with Him.

God and I have been having a lot of talks lately-- sometimes tantrums on my part as I process dealing with so MANY of my friends who have met and become engaged in the past 6 months. God has decided that I needed to deal with my fear of turning 40 and still being single... by having many of my very closest friends either get engaged or become involved in serious relationships. There is temptation to give in to self pity, but the truth is- God is sovereign, and this timing is absolutely no accident at all. To get through all these changes in a God honoring way, there is no way I can do it alone, I HAVE to absolutely depend on Him. He must become more and I must become less. I'm keeping Truth in front of my eyes a lot more these days, because I know I'm so vulnerable to attack. And more exposure to Truth is always a good thing. I know that my hope is not in my situation, but in God, the Maker of Heaven and Earth. And that is definitely enough. He knows the plans He has for me... and my job is to trust that and Him. And it is a minute by minute, second by second process. Seeing Him work out His plans for my friends is an encouragement to me, as well. Since losing Daddy, I have such a stronger sense of God as my Father.. and I'm putting my hand in His to keep walking, one step at a time.

So.. here we go. I'm excited to see how this story will continue to unfold....

Unexpected lessons from the Biggest Loser

The Christian life is often described as a race and the thought has sometimes disturbed me. Don't get me wrong.. I like to compete and win.... but it has always seemed somewhat cold and worldly to me and reminds me of the survival of the fittest. That wonderful Darwinian principle is not a way I would choose to describe the lives of believers.
This week, I saw a wonderful picture of how I have always pictured Christian encouragement. Oddly enough, it came from a reality show-- The Biggest Loser. The contestants were engaged in a grueling challenge-- a competition involving swimming, running, cycling, more running and then running up the stairs of a 44 story building. The two leaders were very competitive with each other and Ali (?) was in front for much of the race, but very aware that her competitor, Mark (?) was close on her heels. He passed her towards the end, reaching the stairs before her, and taking the lead. Both were physically and emotionally exhausted as we watched them struggle up the staircase. As Mark (?) moved towards the last steps that would have led him to victory, however, he did something unexpected. He sat down on the top steps, waiting for Ali to join him. He simply said, he knew he would enjoy his "victory" much more if he was sharing it with Ali, rather than standing on top of that building alone. She was astonished to find him there and he laughed and had her carry him across the finish line on her back. Both were able to savor their victory over weight struggles and a lack of fitness. One by one, the other racers showed up until all but one were there at the end. Then, they turned together back towards the stairs to encourage the last runner--- calling her name out and meeting her so they could cross the finish line with her. I had tears in my eyes by the end of this display... and all I could think was... LORD, help us to run in this same manner. Pushing ourselves, loving You with all we have and not forgetting the others around us following you through the struggles of this world. Give me Your eyes and heart- to see those and to turn back to run with them.
God sure finds us in unexpected places to show us His life and truth! Let's keep running together!
If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Ecclesiastes 4:10 (NIV)