So, I haven't updated this blog in a looooong time. I had all the best intentions. But I have a good excuse. About 12 days after this blog, my supervisor resigned, I applied for his job.... and got it!! And, 8 days after that, our Clinical Director, had a heart attack and passed away very suddenly. So.... I've been living at work. Which must change!
I've decided that turning 40.. and surviving it this week was such a good thing. It reminded me that sometimes my worst fear takes place... and God sees me through it beautifully. Like the time my mom had to come and live with me for three months and it all worked out just fine. Don't get the wrong idea- I love my mom dearly.. but.. she tends to nag.. at times. Anyway, we learned a lot about each other as we struggled through that time, and were able to enjoy each other and grow closer. I relate to her in new ways now.
Yesterday was my 40th birthday. And I have to say, despite my fear of turning 40 and still being single.. It's all OK. God blessed me with an absolutely incredible group of friends. My friend/family, really, since my fam all lives in AZ. And they threw the most awesome, like totally rad party for me. 80's costumes, karoake, etc.
I've decided that a 40th birthday is an opportunity for a new start. I've been encouraged by looking in Scripture for the number 40 and realizing how 40 years are often the description of a generation, and how often there is a major turning point after 40 years. (The Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years, etc.) So.. I've decided that the first "generation" of my life being over is a fabulous opportunity for a new start! And for some new goals. NF's love goals.. the whole process of "becoming." So, over the next month, I'm going to take some time and evaluate to figure out goals for me. There are so many things I've never done, and that I want to do. After spending the whole summer at work, and losing Dad in November, then losing Dr. Dixon so suddenly, I have ever present reminders that the days are short. If I'm not intentional, they will pass me by. Makes me think of -- Psalm 90:12- " So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom." Work is so easy to get consumed with, but the eternal value, power for true satisfaction is not found there- but in God and relationship with Him.
God and I have been having a lot of talks lately-- sometimes tantrums on my part as I process dealing with so MANY of my friends who have met and become engaged in the past 6 months. God has decided that I needed to deal with my fear of turning 40 and still being single... by having many of my very closest friends either get engaged or become involved in serious relationships. There is temptation to give in to self pity, but the truth is- God is sovereign, and this timing is absolutely no accident at all. To get through all these changes in a God honoring way, there is no way I can do it alone, I HAVE to absolutely depend on Him. He must become more and I must become less. I'm keeping Truth in front of my eyes a lot more these days, because I know I'm so vulnerable to attack. And more exposure to Truth is always a good thing. I know that my hope is not in my situation, but in God, the Maker of Heaven and Earth. And that is definitely enough. He knows the plans He has for me... and my job is to trust that and Him. And it is a minute by minute, second by second process. Seeing Him work out His plans for my friends is an encouragement to me, as well. Since losing Daddy, I have such a stronger sense of God as my Father.. and I'm putting my hand in His to keep walking, one step at a time.
So.. here we go. I'm excited to see how this story will continue to unfold....
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