Unexpected paths..

So, I haven't updated this blog in a looooong time. I had all the best intentions. But I have a good excuse. About 12 days after this blog, my supervisor resigned, I applied for his job.... and got it!! And, 8 days after that, our Clinical Director, had a heart attack and passed away very suddenly. So.... I've been living at work. Which must change!

I've decided that turning 40.. and surviving it this week was such a good thing. It reminded me that sometimes my worst fear takes place... and God sees me through it beautifully. Like the time my mom had to come and live with me for three months and it all worked out just fine. Don't get the wrong idea- I love my mom dearly.. but.. she tends to nag.. at times. Anyway, we learned a lot about each other as we struggled through that time, and were able to enjoy each other and grow closer. I relate to her in new ways now.

Yesterday was my 40th birthday. And I have to say, despite my fear of turning 40 and still being single.. It's all OK. God blessed me with an absolutely incredible group of friends. My friend/family, really, since my fam all lives in AZ. And they threw the most awesome, like totally rad party for me. 80's costumes, karoake, etc.

I've decided that a 40th birthday is an opportunity for a new start. I've been encouraged by looking in Scripture for the number 40 and realizing how 40 years are often the description of a generation, and how often there is a major turning point after 40 years. (The Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years, etc.) So.. I've decided that the first "generation" of my life being over is a fabulous opportunity for a new start! And for some new goals. NF's love goals.. the whole process of "becoming." So, over the next month, I'm going to take some time and evaluate to figure out goals for me. There are so many things I've never done, and that I want to do. After spending the whole summer at work, and losing Dad in November, then losing Dr. Dixon so suddenly, I have ever present reminders that the days are short. If I'm not intentional, they will pass me by. Makes me think of -- Psalm 90:12- " So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom." Work is so easy to get consumed with, but the eternal value, power for true satisfaction is not found there- but in God and relationship with Him.

God and I have been having a lot of talks lately-- sometimes tantrums on my part as I process dealing with so MANY of my friends who have met and become engaged in the past 6 months. God has decided that I needed to deal with my fear of turning 40 and still being single... by having many of my very closest friends either get engaged or become involved in serious relationships. There is temptation to give in to self pity, but the truth is- God is sovereign, and this timing is absolutely no accident at all. To get through all these changes in a God honoring way, there is no way I can do it alone, I HAVE to absolutely depend on Him. He must become more and I must become less. I'm keeping Truth in front of my eyes a lot more these days, because I know I'm so vulnerable to attack. And more exposure to Truth is always a good thing. I know that my hope is not in my situation, but in God, the Maker of Heaven and Earth. And that is definitely enough. He knows the plans He has for me... and my job is to trust that and Him. And it is a minute by minute, second by second process. Seeing Him work out His plans for my friends is an encouragement to me, as well. Since losing Daddy, I have such a stronger sense of God as my Father.. and I'm putting my hand in His to keep walking, one step at a time.

So.. here we go. I'm excited to see how this story will continue to unfold....

Unexpected lessons from the Biggest Loser

The Christian life is often described as a race and the thought has sometimes disturbed me. Don't get me wrong.. I like to compete and win.... but it has always seemed somewhat cold and worldly to me and reminds me of the survival of the fittest. That wonderful Darwinian principle is not a way I would choose to describe the lives of believers.
This week, I saw a wonderful picture of how I have always pictured Christian encouragement. Oddly enough, it came from a reality show-- The Biggest Loser. The contestants were engaged in a grueling challenge-- a competition involving swimming, running, cycling, more running and then running up the stairs of a 44 story building. The two leaders were very competitive with each other and Ali (?) was in front for much of the race, but very aware that her competitor, Mark (?) was close on her heels. He passed her towards the end, reaching the stairs before her, and taking the lead. Both were physically and emotionally exhausted as we watched them struggle up the staircase. As Mark (?) moved towards the last steps that would have led him to victory, however, he did something unexpected. He sat down on the top steps, waiting for Ali to join him. He simply said, he knew he would enjoy his "victory" much more if he was sharing it with Ali, rather than standing on top of that building alone. She was astonished to find him there and he laughed and had her carry him across the finish line on her back. Both were able to savor their victory over weight struggles and a lack of fitness. One by one, the other racers showed up until all but one were there at the end. Then, they turned together back towards the stairs to encourage the last runner--- calling her name out and meeting her so they could cross the finish line with her. I had tears in my eyes by the end of this display... and all I could think was... LORD, help us to run in this same manner. Pushing ourselves, loving You with all we have and not forgetting the others around us following you through the struggles of this world. Give me Your eyes and heart- to see those and to turn back to run with them.
God sure finds us in unexpected places to show us His life and truth! Let's keep running together!
If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Ecclesiastes 4:10 (NIV)